Accio Aloe!

Our heroine ventured north on Saturday morning with a beaded bag containing her tent, various flasks and potions, pumpkin juice, three house-elves, and a rainbow bandana once belonging to Ravina Ravenclaw's dykey cousin.

Not in her bag? Sunscreen, one of three known deathly hallows (the other two being her Celine Dion boxed set and her Foucault earrings.) Accio sunscreen! she yelled.

Nothing.

She knew The Dark Lord had placed various spells and enchantments on her SPF30. And the word Walgreens, she suspected, was now being used to Mark those in the Order.

She'd go without, and attempt some protective skin charms.

Three minutes later, her protective charms wore off, and she thought she could sense Skin Burners in the area. But she remained on the beach for two more hours (!!) while she planned how she would rescue Celine Dion from Las Vegas.

She shivered, and felt cold, and warm, and cold -- as if she could no longer regulate her own body temperature -- and she knew at once, that they were there. Skin Burners, three of them emerging from under an Invisibility Cloak. Her legs felt as if they were being seared by a waffle iron ready to make butterbeer-flavored hotcakes. Her shoulders glistened. Her back -- normally covered by a t-shirt, but exposed for mere minutes in the sun -- was already red, and blotchy.

"Expecto Patronus!" she yelled, and her Patronus -- a cicada from the XVII brood -- swooped into the Skin Burners and carried them away. But it was too late.

Our heroine Disapperated back to Andersonville and checked her skin. Accio Aloe, she said, desparately, and the aloe zipped into her hands. She slathered it onto her body with the fury of ten thousand Blasted-Eye Newts. It immediately soothed her skin, and she vowed to continue her hunt for sunscreen, even if that meant she had to return to Walgreens, where anyone could be waiting.